Feed Xander. Change Xander.
5:46 am Roll over when Xander starts mewing, and reach over to poke his pacifier through his teeth. He’s still asleep. This is but a warning that he could be ready to eat at any time in the next hour.
5:48 am Xander spits out his pacifier and wimpers, just to remind me: I’ll be ready to eat soon. Don’t forget, Daddy.
6:30 am May’s alarm clock goes off. She’s already in the nursery pumping out Xander’s meals for the day, but the interminable buzzing reminds me that Xander needs me for something.
6:31 am Awake enough to move enough to smack the alarm clock into the wall and remember that there’s a baby around here somewhere.
6:32 am Stumble to the kitchen to heat up a bottle.
6:37 am Feed Xander, painfully aware that it is time. His volume and violent avoidance of the pacifier are indications that I should have begun this process about 49 minutes ago.
6:49 am Xander, sated, is no longer comfortable hanging over my shoulder with me repeatedly thumping his back. He is wide awake and wants only to sit up and stare at things.
6:50 am May is ready for school and she kisses both of her boys on the head before she leaves.
6:54 am Change Xander’s diaper. Talk out loud about how good it is that there’s so much poop.
6:59 am Dress for a run on the treadmill. Xander relaxes in his chair, oxygen in portable mode, like lounging on the beach.
7:15 am Try to convince myself that actually running instead of just walking will feel better, while watching season seven of The West Wing: will Detective Simone defeat Hawkeye to become president?
7:17 am Can’t do it. So tired. I walk. Xander watches.
7:20 am Xander closes his eyes, appears asleep.
7:25 am Xander opens his eyes. He’s just messing with me.
7:29 am Step off the rolling platform to pacify Xander for the seventh or eighth time.
7:37 am Jed Bartlett does the right thing, and I’ve walked my 1.98 miles, so I can carry the increasingly rowdy Xander back upstairs.
7:45 am Toast a bagel. Xander stares upward, mollified by the kitchen ceiling fan that’s not even spinning.
7:55 am Shower. Shave. Got a hot date tonight. Xander plays under the sea, looks at fishes, bats at different hanging rings and rattles, while listening to Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti.
8:13 am Check Facebook newsfeed. So many people are friends with so many other people.
8:20 am Open up Google account to work on website, www.brentwescott.com. Don’t know what I’m doing yet.
8:33 am Xander’s bored. He kindly lets me know.
8:45 am Hold Xander on my left knee. His head bobs as he dozes to the rhythm of my leg shake. Can’t type with one hand. Try to read blogs instead.
9:04 am No longer lulled by the up and down motion, Xander requests his pacifier, chomps on it voraciously, as a shark after chum.
9:17 am Feed Xander. Watch Futurama on Netflix: Dr. Zoidberg is a stand up comedian. Wacky.
9:33 am Change Xander. He smiles wide, jaw open, when I set him on the changing table, as if this is the best part of his day. It might well be.
10:13 am Place sleeping Xander in his chair in the kitchen. Purify bottles with a system of soap, disinfectant, and microwave zapping, then fill them with this morning’s fresh milk. Clean up other dishes.
10:35 am Sit once more at kitchen table laptop. Unable to decide what to work on: New story? Old novel? Blog post? End up surfing the web for information about the Flaming Lips since I watched their documentary Fearless Freaks last night.
10:57 am Carry Xander with me to fix a one-handed ham sandwich. Open the first Diet Code Red Mountain Dew of the day.
11:13 am Hold Xander with left arm. Eat with right. Open Kindle on table before me and read more from Dune: Arrakis = lots of sand.
11:32 am Feed Xander. Change Xander.
12:32 pm Sit for a few minutes without a baby in my arms.
12:40 pm Strap Xander into BabyBjorn carrier and literally pace around the house while he hiccups into my chest.
1:32 pm Feed Xander. Change Xander.
2:32 pm Try to nap on my bed. Xander rests next to me, my hand on his chest to keep his arms from flailing around and keeping both of us awake. Nod off until he starts cooing and I can’t stand it he’s so dang cute.
3:32 pm Feed Xander. Watch Doctor Who on Netflix: Who will save the world from cheesy-costumed aliens...and that’s not a question. Get it?
3:45 pm Change Xander. Remove overflowing Diaper Genie bag and put it near the back door. Wonder when I became that guy who doesn’t take the diapers to the outdoor trash.
3:48 pm Think about changing Xander’s outfit. Decide he’s only been wearing this onesie for less than 24 hours. And the jumper-footie-jammie thingy he’s wearing hardly has any spit up milk on it yet. He’s good.
4:02 pm May comes home. We talk about her day.
4:05 pm Realize that I’ve basically been talking to myself all day, despite the sweetness of Xander’s current speech patterns.
4:15 pm Dress for a night out. Haven’t worn pants that weren’t dedicated for sleep in weeks.
4:49 pm In-laws arrive to babysit. Bottles in the fridge. Diapers on changing table. Hand sanitizer on every table in the house. Phone numbers in cell phone. 911 for emergencies. He likes to be held. No problem there.
5:00 pm Reservations for Texas de Brazil, Brazilian-style Churrascaria. We’re not seniors living in Florida, but dammit, by five o’clock, I’m hungry.
5:22 pm Arrive late to Texas de Brazil. They still seat us because Valentine’s Day is just days away, and it’s only 5:22 pm.
6:31 pm Finally have had all I can eat. Order the creme brulee anyway.
7:12 pm Arrive home. Find a special place to sit for a few minutes while the thirteen kinds of meat settle. Xander sleeps in Grandpa’s arms.
7:17 pm Thank the in-laws for watching the baby. They inform us that Xander slept the whole time. They just held him and passed him back and forth.
7:18 pm Xander wakes up. He’s famished.
7:30 pm Feed Xander. May pumps out his overnight meals. Change Xander.
8:05 pm Rest of the date: watch TV with the wife: latest Community, 30 Rock, The Office, Parks and Recreation. Laugh heartily. Though The Office is quietly losing steam, it’s a better two hours than most movies would be.
9:45 pm Notice that May is asleep. Quietly move out of the bedroom, get Xander ready to eat.
10:00 pm Feed Xander. Change Xander. Listen to Brian Eno ambient music while Xander sleeps on my shoulder.
10:34 pm Wrap Xander in a swaddle sleep sack after a satisfying burp. Velcro his arms down, and he’ll sleep well. Put his chair on vibrate next to the kitchen table.
10:37 pm Down a Diet Dr. Pepper. Open laptop. Another chance to write. Instead check Facebook newsfeed. So many people do so many things that so many people care about.
10:54 pm Open up a blank Google Docs page. Begin a new blog draft.
11:48 pm Yawn. Xander stirs.
12:01 am Change Xander first. Then feed him.
12:26 am Gently carry Xander to his bassinet next to my side of the bed, which is really May’s side of the bed, but it’s my side of the bed as long as I’m at home. Velcro him together, cover him with heavier blankets, and he stays asleep for a few hours now. Some nights May will feed him next. I’ll get five or six straight hours of sleep some nights.
5:32 am It all begins again.
5:48 am Xander spits out his pacifier and wimpers, just to remind me: I’ll be ready to eat soon. Don’t forget, Daddy.
6:30 am May’s alarm clock goes off. She’s already in the nursery pumping out Xander’s meals for the day, but the interminable buzzing reminds me that Xander needs me for something.
6:31 am Awake enough to move enough to smack the alarm clock into the wall and remember that there’s a baby around here somewhere.
6:32 am Stumble to the kitchen to heat up a bottle.
6:37 am Feed Xander, painfully aware that it is time. His volume and violent avoidance of the pacifier are indications that I should have begun this process about 49 minutes ago.
6:49 am Xander, sated, is no longer comfortable hanging over my shoulder with me repeatedly thumping his back. He is wide awake and wants only to sit up and stare at things.
6:50 am May is ready for school and she kisses both of her boys on the head before she leaves.
6:54 am Change Xander’s diaper. Talk out loud about how good it is that there’s so much poop.
6:59 am Dress for a run on the treadmill. Xander relaxes in his chair, oxygen in portable mode, like lounging on the beach.
7:15 am Try to convince myself that actually running instead of just walking will feel better, while watching season seven of The West Wing: will Detective Simone defeat Hawkeye to become president?
7:17 am Can’t do it. So tired. I walk. Xander watches.
7:20 am Xander closes his eyes, appears asleep.
7:25 am Xander opens his eyes. He’s just messing with me.
7:29 am Step off the rolling platform to pacify Xander for the seventh or eighth time.
7:37 am Jed Bartlett does the right thing, and I’ve walked my 1.98 miles, so I can carry the increasingly rowdy Xander back upstairs.
7:45 am Toast a bagel. Xander stares upward, mollified by the kitchen ceiling fan that’s not even spinning.
7:55 am Shower. Shave. Got a hot date tonight. Xander plays under the sea, looks at fishes, bats at different hanging rings and rattles, while listening to Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti.
8:13 am Check Facebook newsfeed. So many people are friends with so many other people.
8:20 am Open up Google account to work on website, www.brentwescott.com. Don’t know what I’m doing yet.
8:33 am Xander’s bored. He kindly lets me know.
8:45 am Hold Xander on my left knee. His head bobs as he dozes to the rhythm of my leg shake. Can’t type with one hand. Try to read blogs instead.
9:04 am No longer lulled by the up and down motion, Xander requests his pacifier, chomps on it voraciously, as a shark after chum.
9:17 am Feed Xander. Watch Futurama on Netflix: Dr. Zoidberg is a stand up comedian. Wacky.
9:33 am Change Xander. He smiles wide, jaw open, when I set him on the changing table, as if this is the best part of his day. It might well be.
10:13 am Place sleeping Xander in his chair in the kitchen. Purify bottles with a system of soap, disinfectant, and microwave zapping, then fill them with this morning’s fresh milk. Clean up other dishes.
10:35 am Sit once more at kitchen table laptop. Unable to decide what to work on: New story? Old novel? Blog post? End up surfing the web for information about the Flaming Lips since I watched their documentary Fearless Freaks last night.
10:57 am Carry Xander with me to fix a one-handed ham sandwich. Open the first Diet Code Red Mountain Dew of the day.
11:13 am Hold Xander with left arm. Eat with right. Open Kindle on table before me and read more from Dune: Arrakis = lots of sand.
11:32 am Feed Xander. Change Xander.
12:32 pm Sit for a few minutes without a baby in my arms.
12:40 pm Strap Xander into BabyBjorn carrier and literally pace around the house while he hiccups into my chest.
1:32 pm Feed Xander. Change Xander.
2:32 pm Try to nap on my bed. Xander rests next to me, my hand on his chest to keep his arms from flailing around and keeping both of us awake. Nod off until he starts cooing and I can’t stand it he’s so dang cute.
3:32 pm Feed Xander. Watch Doctor Who on Netflix: Who will save the world from cheesy-costumed aliens...and that’s not a question. Get it?
3:45 pm Change Xander. Remove overflowing Diaper Genie bag and put it near the back door. Wonder when I became that guy who doesn’t take the diapers to the outdoor trash.
3:48 pm Think about changing Xander’s outfit. Decide he’s only been wearing this onesie for less than 24 hours. And the jumper-footie-jammie thingy he’s wearing hardly has any spit up milk on it yet. He’s good.
4:02 pm May comes home. We talk about her day.
4:05 pm Realize that I’ve basically been talking to myself all day, despite the sweetness of Xander’s current speech patterns.
4:15 pm Dress for a night out. Haven’t worn pants that weren’t dedicated for sleep in weeks.
4:49 pm In-laws arrive to babysit. Bottles in the fridge. Diapers on changing table. Hand sanitizer on every table in the house. Phone numbers in cell phone. 911 for emergencies. He likes to be held. No problem there.
5:00 pm Reservations for Texas de Brazil, Brazilian-style Churrascaria. We’re not seniors living in Florida, but dammit, by five o’clock, I’m hungry.
5:22 pm Arrive late to Texas de Brazil. They still seat us because Valentine’s Day is just days away, and it’s only 5:22 pm.
6:31 pm Finally have had all I can eat. Order the creme brulee anyway.
7:12 pm Arrive home. Find a special place to sit for a few minutes while the thirteen kinds of meat settle. Xander sleeps in Grandpa’s arms.
7:17 pm Thank the in-laws for watching the baby. They inform us that Xander slept the whole time. They just held him and passed him back and forth.
7:18 pm Xander wakes up. He’s famished.
7:30 pm Feed Xander. May pumps out his overnight meals. Change Xander.
8:05 pm Rest of the date: watch TV with the wife: latest Community, 30 Rock, The Office, Parks and Recreation. Laugh heartily. Though The Office is quietly losing steam, it’s a better two hours than most movies would be.
9:45 pm Notice that May is asleep. Quietly move out of the bedroom, get Xander ready to eat.
10:00 pm Feed Xander. Change Xander. Listen to Brian Eno ambient music while Xander sleeps on my shoulder.
10:34 pm Wrap Xander in a swaddle sleep sack after a satisfying burp. Velcro his arms down, and he’ll sleep well. Put his chair on vibrate next to the kitchen table.
10:37 pm Down a Diet Dr. Pepper. Open laptop. Another chance to write. Instead check Facebook newsfeed. So many people do so many things that so many people care about.
10:54 pm Open up a blank Google Docs page. Begin a new blog draft.
11:48 pm Yawn. Xander stirs.
12:01 am Change Xander first. Then feed him.
12:26 am Gently carry Xander to his bassinet next to my side of the bed, which is really May’s side of the bed, but it’s my side of the bed as long as I’m at home. Velcro him together, cover him with heavier blankets, and he stays asleep for a few hours now. Some nights May will feed him next. I’ll get five or six straight hours of sleep some nights.
5:32 am It all begins again.
man, thats awesome. I personally have been digging on farscape on netflix. However, I can tell you that when I was up with the little ones in the middle of the night, I was a poker pro on full tilt. I played poker like I was the man.
ReplyDeletesmall tables. free chips. the man.
I love your commentary on facebook. I also think The Office has been losing steam for some time now, but Community always makes me happy...and Psych. I'll miss Better Off Ted. Dr Who will save the world, cheesy costumes or no.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your writing. It is hard to get into it sometimes even when you have the time.
Funny Stuff I Write And Draw
I can be cynical about Facebook and still feel the the compulsion to read everyone's status updates, right?
ReplyDeleteRight! Pretty much feel the same way, compelled by forces I do not understand to read each and every status update, liking left and right, commenting and recommenting, while feeling slightly dirty for giving in to the whole system. Ü
ReplyDeleteFunny Stuff I Write And Draw
Love this one!! Welcome, Welcome, WELCOME to the life of a stay at home mom with a newborn. Add in laundry, bathrooms, homework, 2 additional kids (did I say 2? I mean my 2 for keeps and the rest of the neighborhood for now and again), callings, correspondence to birth mothers and ongoing projects and you know what my day to day looks like. :) addie
ReplyDeleteCan I... can I have your life?
ReplyDeleteProbably add a few more animals though.
-E
@ Addie, I probably won't still be the at-home daddy once we have to deal with potty training and homework, but I relish what I have now.
ReplyDelete@TK, I had a dog when I was a kid. He died. I don't think I was traumatized by that, but I haven't wanted a pet since.
And my life is pretty much in flux right now. Every couple of weeks something drastic and new happens and I can't do anything the same way again. You sure you want that?
That's awesome. I think the longest I ever went without a pet was a couple of months and it was after I was 18. I was so depressed, it was awful!
ReplyDeleteYeah, mine is still in the chaotic stage too. I just want the one you illustrated in this blog!
-E