"Temporality is part of the truth" -- Chuck Klosterman

Friday, July 15, 2011

Flash Fiction: Independence Day

I up and decided to participate in today's Independence Day Flash Fiction Blogfest hosted by Ali Cross.

The prompt is: "It's Independence Day and something unexpected happens . . ."
And it's supposed to be no more than a 250 word piece of flash fiction. Mine is 254 words. I hope that doesn't disqualify me or anything.

This took me nearly 17 minutes to write, so please keep an open mind. You're always welcome to tell me I suck if you have a good reason.


The year has taken it’s toll. Father’s posture is worse and his hands are dry and cracked. He might have left a fingernail somewhere in the last batch of bottles he cleaned. He knows that this chore will be over presently. No more bottles to wash. No more waking nights feeding a crying child.

But Father hopes he has a few more days with his son. He looks down at his hands, gray from the dishwater, and wipes the sweat from his brow. Each night gets more difficult to stay up like this. He closes his eyes, feels his aching body, pulls himself away and out of the kitchen.

He creeps into the nursery to watch over the child. Not a baby any more. His son seems eager to break out of the cocoon at any moment. Filling out the cradle now, the child sleeps naked, as he has every night since his midterm. It will happen soon.

Father turns to his own bed, but a sudden cramp drops him to the floor. Not now. Father isn’t ready. Writhing in pain, he manages to look up as his son emerges from his second womb, collapses upon his father, and consumes what he needs of his heritage.

Wings now sprouting from his small back, Son hovers over his decrepit father’s body. “As I take the life you gave, Father, you give me independence.”

Son kisses the father on the forehead, then, in the father’s fading vision, leaps through the chamber skylight and into the night.

Here's the bloghop info and participants if you want to read more.

21 comments:

  1. Brent great job on your flash fiction, very good imagery and I liked the twist, I thought it was a baby at first and then wham, something else entirely!

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  2. That was seriously cool, and unexpected. I really enjoyed it!

    -Mel
    www.adventurewrites.blogspot.com

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  3. That was an interesting twist. I wasn't expecting wings! Giving a life for another is the greatest gift.

    The Write Soil

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  4. Yeah, you usually don't expect the infant to jump out of the crib and eat his dad. Way cool. Especially nice that you start out with something as mundane as dishes and move on to flying offspring.

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  5. Boy this is weird -- and very intriguing! It fascinates me because my mind just doesn't think of stuff like this. And you wrote it in 17 minutes? Amazing!

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  6. @ Everyone: Thanks for the comments. I tend to exaggerate, so I admit now that it took me much longer than 17 minutes to write. But it was fun, just letting the weirdness come out. It was unexpected to me, too.

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  7. This was so unique and 100% unique. I *loved* your fresh take on the prompt. Well done!

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  8. Interesting. Wasn't sure at first if I liked it, but the imagery keeps playing in my mind. Nice job.

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  9. Whoop! That one caught me by surprise! Excellent!

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  10. Wow. That was completely unexpected. I think this could be a full fledged (pun intended) story.

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  11. What a twist! Well written and great characters.

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  12. @ Everyone: Thanks some more for the kind words. And thanks to the newbies for visiting the Beach. I've been thinking more about what I wrote and realized there are some elements that beg for more. I just might turn it into something longer.

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  13. That was definitely unexpected. Those extra four words got lost in the excitement. I think you're good. ;)

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  14. Didn't see that ending coming...

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  15. Well that was weird. I hope that does't happen with my daughter. I mean the part with me dying. I do hope she gets her wings. ;)

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  16. @ Everyone: Another round of thank-yous to you all. And kudos to Bryan for mentioning the symbolism of the wings. See the wings represent...oh, never mind.

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  17. Loved this, what a great 'little' read. I've enjoyed your recent posts as well. Gotta love the nights when the kiddos just never go to sleep. I enjoyed sitting next to you guys today, Xander is so cute and so happy!

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  18. Thanks, Natalie. You caught him on a pretty good day.

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