"Temporality is part of the truth" -- Chuck Klosterman

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Creepy Crawly


The boy is crawling now. Since his nine month birthday about ten days ago.
He just decided that day he wanted to go. So he did. And he hasn't stopped.


Twenty-three things you can't do any more once your child knows how to self-locomote:

1. Take your eyes off the child.

2. Take a shower.

3. Go to the bathroom.

4. Get dressed in private.

5. Leave your shoes out.

6. Leave doors open.

7. Leave drawers open.

8. Leave cupboards open.

9. Drop anything.

10. Put the child on the bed.

11. Take naps anywhere with the child in your arms.

12. Keep trash cans on the floor.

13. Type while the child is on your lap.

14. Sit in a rolling desk chair.

15. Run on a treadmill.

16. Let crumbs fall where they may.

17. Vacuum only a couple times a week.

18. Unplug anything from a wall outlet.

19. Plug anything into a wall outlet.

20. Assume your stereo speaker wires are well-hidden and out of the way all tucked back behind the furniture.

21. Place your books on low-lying end tables.

22. Walk freely through your house without having to step over gates in every doorway.

23. Leave the room.

10 comments:

  1. Hee hee hee! And there are a thousand more things you can't do again for quite a long time. And the list will grow and grow each day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yup. Went through that five times.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 24. Get dressed in public.

    I tried this in the middle of the food court at the mall. I remember when the cops were taking me away I kept grumbling, "Man since my daughter started crawling, I can do NOTHIN'! hrumph!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Xander is crawling! Congratulations!!!

    Also...condolences. :)

    I can relate, my friend. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  5. (rooooollls his eyes at Bryan) Dude! I told you that wasn't a good idea!

    25. Forget to double-knot your shoelaces.
    and
    26. Wear shorts if you have hairy legs.
    and
    27. Walk around the house bare footed.

    ReplyDelete
  6. @ rev: You are correct. There are many more. Many, many more.

    @ Shelly: I know. I went through it twice before, but it's brand new every time.

    @ Bryan: # 28. Go to the food court at the mall.

    @ Candice: Thanks, Candice. It hasn't been too terrible yet. But I know what's ahead.

    ReplyDelete
  7. HAHA. Welcome to the club. :D If it ever gets REALLY quiet, be VERY afraid...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Isn't this the stage of life when you have to do the baby proofing? Like a coffee table high enough that he can't bump his head on it when he tries to go under it and bubble wrapping everything...

    Most of my ideas are from TV. I don't know anyone with a baby.

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ Nicki: Just through my son.

    @ Natalie: I'm always much more worried about the loud noises, but silence can end up much more worrisome, yes.

    @ Chanel: Bubble wrap works nicely. It even gives your home a futuristic, interstellar spaceship kind of look, which might be cool for some kinds of people.

    ReplyDelete